Disillusioned

Lately, I have been feeling very disillusioned with life. To be truthful, I have no idea what I am doing and why the hell I am doing what I am doing. All of a sudden, the future seems so much more uncertain and bleak. I seem to have lost my purpose and aim in life.

Throughout my entire life, I was fairly confident of being able to achieve what I aspire to be. It was only recently when I started to doubt my own abilities. What if I am just an average person who is destined to sit at a cubicle as nothing but a mere employee like the billions of others out there. I simply cannot bear the thought that I am “just like the others”. But the more I reflect on what I have done in my life so far, the more I feel that I am just one of them. JC life has certainly done a lot to damage my self confidence and esteem. Underperforming grades notwithstanding, but being thrown together with overachieving friends makes me feel like nothing but a mere fraction of their shadow.

Maybe it’s the exam blues getting to me, but I certainly hope this feeling goes away soon. It really makes me sick of myself – like how you are disgusted by something but simply can’t tear away from it.

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